"All we are is dust in the wind, dude". - Ted Theodore Logan

Let your mind marinate on that for a second. I'll wait.

I was asked by a friend recently why I hate Florida so much, I think I should take some time to blog about my love/hate relationship with this state.

It's not so much that I hate it as much as I feel stifled here. I can't see myself  living up to my fullest potential in Florida. I've always felt like this, even when I was younger. I grew up in a small country town with zero to do but stare at cows for fun. No, I'm not even joking. Oh, and everyone's favorite hang-out spot was either Wal-Mart or the outside the parking lot of Taco Bell. I know what you're thinking, you're ready to book your flight right now, aren't you?

As a kid I would daydream and write constantly about breaking free and finding this prefect urban oasis. I've always been this small town girl with big city dreams. ( No Miami, I'm not looking at you.) When I turned 17 I hightailed it to the much more tolerable grounds of central Florida and never looked back.

At first my obsession started with NYC. I was about NYC all the way until I feel in love with Chicago. And now that I think about it, I haven't even discovered San Francisco yet. And my friend from Paris tells me London is amazing. So many possibilites, so many adventures, so many other ways of finding myself, and they aren't in Florida. Don't get me wrong, Florida houses some of the most amazing people I know, particulary in the city in which I currently reside.  But soon enough it'll be time to do my own thing. I'm on a mission for self-discovery, to find myself and a place I can call home. It's weird because Florida is my home, but it doesn't feel like it, I've always felt like I belong somewhere else.

My mother tells me bigger, seemingly more exciting places don't always equal better, and she may be right, but how will I ever know if I don't have the experience. Right?

Before I'm thirty, I want to break free, leave this comfort zone and experience life as I've always wanted to experience it or at least try to. I can't wait til that day comes.

Soon. Let it be soon.

And incase you're wondering why I didn't leave Florida completely when I was 17, the answer is simple - fear. Something I will not allow to stop me when my opportunity comes again.

(photo credit)

Look what I picked up while thrift store shopping.

I think the best conversations happen at night. And by night, I mean late night.  Almost every intellectually stimulating conversation I've had in my recorded history has happened between the hours of 12am - 5am. I don't know what it is about the night that does something to some people. I don't know what it is about it that does things to me, but it does. Maybe because I consider myself a night person I'm already more naturally proned to open up during this time, I don't know what it is.

All I know is I love the conversations that can happen during the ungodly hours of the night. I love having these conversations over the phone, on the porch, in bars and coffee shops, on the beach, in the car, while lying next to each other on the bedroom floor while Portishead (or some other equally soothing mixture) plays softly in the background.

Did I mention I just love them? And miss them. Being a grown up doesn't allow for a lot of late night excersions anymore. I, and most of the people I know, have to be in bed at a respectable hour. I can no longer just call up my best friend at 1 a.m. and say, What's up? How are you on this fine night, my dear?

Some days I really long for the early, carefree college years. The time when phrases like the "night is still young" meant more than it does now.

(photo credit)

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PHANTOGRAM is a psych-rock, synthpop, hip-hop influenced duo, formed in 2007 at Saratoga Springs, NY, by Joshua Carter and Sarah Barthel. Their music can be described as a culmination of unique street beat rhythms, and psychedelic melodies, with combined technology and organic textures. - last.fm.

I don't know, sometimes feel like I am. I have no real sense of direction in my life right now. It's not too bad of a thing because I'm finding myself, but I do long to know what it is that I really want to get out of my life.

Once upon a time I wanted to be a writer, a nurse, a fashion designer, a cop, a shrink, a teacher - I wanted to be a lot of things. That's always been the problem, I have too many interests. Right now I feel like the jack of all trades and master at none.

I invested years into my graphic design career only to become burnt out and not as passionate about it as I once was. I needed a break, to try something new. Now I'm doing the whole dental assisting thing - yes, I know, the most non-creative end of the spectrum I could choose. Its my back up plan, something to do until I find out where I want to progress, is what I tell myself. And don't get me wrong, I love it, I actually find dental sciences to be very interesting. But passionate? Hmm...I'm not sure.

But then again, passion has always been something hard to define in my life.

I just dont want to settle for less than the greatest I'm capable of, yet I feel as though I am. Time for some deeper introspection.

"I want out of the labels. I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. A story. I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map. A real adventure. A sphinx. A mystery. A blank. Unknown. Undefined."

I want this quote to be the story of my life, always.

I have wonderful non-webby friends and I love them dearly and they know this, however, thanks to the 'nets I've had the chance to meet the most amazing people I probably wouldn't have otherwise encountered. I've met fellow bloggers, people I follow twitter and tumblr, and people whom I've gotten to know through online meetup groups. It's been wonderful and I'm grateful for all the friends and experiences I've made.

All of this is one of the reasons why I can never give up blogging. I've tried. In fact, I'll go as far as to say I'll probably never be the best blogger around. I sometimes update infrequently - if I don't outright forget I have a blog - but I love the connections with people, it keeps me coming back. I love romantising over the fact that my next best friend could be someone who comments my blog.